War on Waist

Whoops of delight rang around the corridors of Tubby Towers this week as man mountain jumped for joy (a true test for the floorboards) in celebration of an unexpected reunion with some dear old friends. The announcement of dipping under 20 stone prompted the driving force behind the War on Waist, and leader of the burgeoning backup team, to suggest a clear out of clothes that don’t fit and haven’t fitted for some time. Trapped in limbo on the off chance that, one day, blubber boy might be able to squeeze into them. Just like the good old days. Knees trembling, the big lad reached for the wardrobe doors. Previous trying-on sessions usually ended in gigantasaurus storming off, banging doors in disgusted disappointment, leaving a pile of ill-fitting clothes in his wake. Shirts and trousers all with one thing in common - the buttons wouldn’t, or rather couldn’t, be closed. Not this time. Shirts that were expected to fasten at a stretch were fully closed with room to spare. Jeans p...

A bit of a sticky situation has arisen on the frontline of the War on Waist. Not to be too big headed, the calorie-counting crusader considers himself to be at least capable in the kitchen.  No match for the Masterchef brigade but confident of creating tasty culinary offerings. Well, the big lad met his match this week. Full of creative ideas and low-calorie optimism the gigantasaurus decided to add Vietnamese rice paper wraps to the belly-busting menu. Images on the packaging oozed healthy crunch.  What better way to add a bit of sophistication and spice to that rabbit food.  The apparently fool-proof instructions should have resulted in a delicious treat to dip and eat. But, all that the lard lugger was able to produce was something that could, at best, be described as a sticky mess. Worse than that, this was produced while on holiday and unveiled before a table surrounded by several generations of family, who had already partaken of a few pre-meal tipples. Imagin...

Exercise proved to be a bit of a double-edged sword for man mountain, and played a big part in an ill-disciplined climb up through the weight divisions. Far from always keeping both eyes on the ball, be it rugby, football, cricket or squash, this ‘sportsman’ always had at least half an eye on the post-match entertainment. That would be beer, more beer followed by more beer, fast food and behaving like an idiot. All seems a bit silly looking back at it.  Anyway, it was a great way to build an insatiable appetite and key to some mightily unimpressive bodybuilding. Now, though, exercise looks like the only answer to a rapid slow down in weight falling off the gigantasaurus. Healthy eating (rabbit food), dog walking and a weekly parkrun (more about fantastic support and encouragement than running) have been working wonders, but this week’s weight-loss was only two pounds. Time to make a big splash at the swimming pool, perhaps. Clearly, more exercise is needed to keep the lard los...

Transition from a gigantasaurus to a medium-sized hippo has proved to be something of a moving experience. Lack of mobility, bordering on full-blown disability, had developed as the pounds piled on, and on, and on. Funny how there seems to be an excuse for every problem that throws itself up, anything to avoid facing up to the inherent problems the equivalent of lugging another adult around on your back - and your legs, not to mention that massive, seemingly immovable object, the belly. Spluttering out of the bath (an unpleasant thought) and squashing in and out of cars, are just two of the main changes. It used to be a challenge bordering on an extreme sport getting out of the bath. Fear of a slip and a painful fall forever present. Struggling in and out of family-sized cars and generously-proportioned taxis was, frankly, just embarrassing. While a long way from enjoying the freedom of an agile athlete, the simple pleasure of feeling ‘normal’ in these situations is very satisfy...