Mystery Man Found in Wardrobe

Whoops of delight rang around the corridors of Tubby Towers this week as man mountain jumped for joy (a true test for the floorboards) in celebration of an unexpected reunion with some dear old friends.
The announcement of dipping under 20 stone prompted the driving force behind the War on Waist, and leader of the burgeoning backup team, to suggest a clear out of clothes that don’t fit and haven’t fitted for some time.
Trapped in limbo on the off chance that, one day, blubber boy might be able to squeeze into them. Just like the good old days.
Knees trembling, the big lad reached for the wardrobe doors. Previous trying-on sessions usually ended in gigantasaurus storming off, banging doors in disgusted disappointment, leaving a pile of ill-fitting clothes in his wake. Shirts and trousers all with one thing in common - the buttons wouldn’t, or rather couldn’t, be closed.
Not this time. Shirts that were expected to fasten at a stretch were fully closed with room to spare. Jeans pulled up without too much wriggling and squiggling, and zipped up without the expected jelly belly flopping over the top.
Don’t get me wrong, these jeans were built on the Clyde to house an ocean-going cargo tanker in each leg. Not those skinny-legged, high-fashion, circulation-cutting ones that youngsters seem to be able to slip into.
Still, they were jeans bought in a normal shop for normal people and they fitted for the first time in many a sunset.
Buoyed by the fashion upgrade (these clothes were very popular once) man mountain stepped towards the scales. The reading confirmed that last week’s holiday weigh-in was on the generous side and, although still below 20 stone, only two more pounds had left the battlefield.


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